Depression

Most days, I win; Every once in a while, the depression wins.  Man, it's been hard recently.  Things that don't usually get me down have been hard to get through.  I know this will pass, but for the time being, I'm prone to irritation and impatience.  I just want to curl up and disappear.

Shoulder & Land

Finally got to the doctor today and had him take a look at my shoulder.  It's tendonitis in the bicep, so now I've got a plan to address the pain and get my range-of-motion back!

I also received a check in the mail for the sale of the land.  It took 5 years to sell, plus the buyers dragged the deal out for another 5 months.  When it gets closer to tax time, I'll take a look at what it was valued at when the estate was settled in 2004.  With the taxes, insurance and maintenance we had to pay over the years, it will approximately reimburse the expenses we paid/borrowed.  It will be nice to be done with the loans, expenses, responsibility, hard work and bad feelings that those parcels represent.

Mom

Mom wanted to attend the Iowa family reunion last weekend, so I asked that she go over her route with me (arranged to borrow a GPS if she wanted to try it), call before/after travel so I knew she was safe, etc.  She didn't remember any of these things, but did leave her hotel information, so I tried to confirm her safety that way.  The hotel was oversold, and had no record of her, and she never said anything about which other relatives might be attending, so I just kept calling her cell phone.  Eventually, she went to call her cousin Elizabeth and accidentally dialed me.  Once I knew she'd gotten to Iowa safely, though she said she did get lost on the way there, she slid on a gravel road and put her car into a ditch.  It's totalled, so I'm driving there today to bring her home.  It's hard to even recognize her any more, since so much has changed so quickly.

Some catching up

Boy, can I use a relaxing Holiday weekend!  The past 2 weeks have really worn me out.  Mom got lost on the way to our house.  Ruth and Julie each had their last orchestra concerts of the year, and we returned Julie's cello, since she won't be playing in 7th grade.  Ruth was confirmed last weekend, and I co-headed the brunch the day before, which was complicated by another ER visit for Raj - 16 passouts during lunch, and prolonged low blood pressure - but all checked out fine at the hospital.

Though we've been "about a week away" from closing on the sale of the Wauconda land since the offer in January, we're still having to jump through every hoop the sellers come up with, and it gets discouraging at times.  Tax penalties start to accrue June 6, so I wonder who gets to pay those?

We got Raj a Disabled Person State ID instead of a Drivers License when his expired on his birthday, and I've gotten approved for 4 savings programs with the manufacturers of prescription drugs that we probably couldn't afford otherwise.  We're in the "donut hole" with Raj's prescriptions now, so I've applied to programs that I never thought we'd qualify for.  Medical claims still take the majority of my time and patience.

Memory

The thing that sucks about memory disorders is that you have to walk on eggshells around people with them 24/7.  It's exhausting for the loved ones (I know), and I would imagine it's even more exhausting for those going through it.  It's typical for memory loss sufferers to lash out in anger and frustration, often the opposite of their natural personality/temperment.  My husband's progression has gone so slowly that he's adjusted, with the help of medication and assisted living, so most days he's pretty stable -  but it's taken 5 years.  Unfortunately, I'm not able to apply all this knowledge and experience to anyone else.  Raj's mom, for example, was typical - very angry and depressed, even violent at times - leading up to her diagnosis; but we didn't know that was common behavior back then for someone suffering memory loss.  My grandparents, from what I remember, were atypical - cooperative, calm, trusting - as they aged and their memories worsened.

So how do you deal with memory loss in another?  What if they can't see their changes in behavior or don't recognize their symptoms of depression?  What if they truly believe everyone else is wrong, and their paranoia gets projected back out at the world?  How do you express concern or love?  How do you explain it to children?  I really don't know.  All I can do is turn to my faith, pray for patience and discernment.

I try to see things through their eyes, so when my memory fails, I won't put my loved ones through the "walking on eggshells" that seems so cruel.

  

Meh

Today, I was assigned a Patient Advocate from Allstate/Hewitt to work on the now year-long battle with Rush University Medical Center & United Healthcare.  After such a long time of fighting to have the claims for Raj's stay processed properly, I gave up and found other insurance - Medicare with various supplements for Raj, and a separate plan I found on the open market for the kids and myself.  Once our new coverage was in force, I called Hewitt to cancel the oxymoron medical coverage I was paying 3x more for.  My request was DENIED, and they explained that the only way to end the medical coverage is for non-payment of premium (even though they still haven't processed November 2010's benefit election to charge the correct amount for said premium)!  The benefits representative had a hard time communicating their "decision" and I stayed on the phone an extra hour to provide enough information for him to appeal on our behalf.

After similar experiences with Raj's Humana plan for June - December of 2011, I was assigned a Patient Advocate from Humana, and I'm keeping him very busy.

The issues are pretty much the same, regardless of Medicare vs non-Medicare coverage, PPO vs POS, prescriptions included or not:  They promise the world when you elect/buy the coverage, provide documentation to support this to "comply" with Healthcare Reform and other laws; and I suppose everything would be going well, if it were not for claims.  When I submit claims for covered expenses - prescription drugs, doctor visits, hospital services, durable medical equipment - both sides panic.  The billers don't even want to try, and the insurance company won't process anything to be paid, even if it DOES get submitted.  The folks answering the phones either hang up on me, or tell me the providers have no intention of honoring their contracts.  I've never seen anything like this BEFORE Healthcare Reform.

Example:
A line item for one of Raj's hospital stays (the first line, unfortunately) got submitted as "out of network" instead of "in network" so all subsequent line items and claims were processed incorrectly.  Endless calls, emails, and faxes resulted in backing out an invalid deductible (good) but they resubmitted it with ME as the patient (bad).

We've already lost several of Raj's doctors, due to issues they've experienced under Healthcare Reform, and we lost another one - his psychiatrist - last week.  Anyone know of a psychiatrist in the area that is accepting new patients?  How about one that is still in business?

Lookin' up

I'm in a much better place, now that disability has been reinstated, I've cashed out my VUL and replaced it with term life insurance (at a preferred rate!), and we have a REAL offer on the Wauconda land!  The BIL, Dave, came out of woodwork with demands for some legal proceedings, which I haven't heard any more about since the initial threats; But at least we know he's alive (as of 1/24/2012), and that's something!  I even fought off a cold (or whatever it was).  And today was supposed to be 60 degrees - the sun feels great!