Updates

Raj had another fall on Feb. 20, which resulted in a bruise on his back; otherwise, OK. CitiMortgage refuses to accept any offer less than $155K for Dave's house, and by some miracle, offers keep coming. I haven't found a way to coordinate cleaning it out - especially without heat & plumbing. Unexpected expenses (snow service not showing up after the blizzard, then threatening to sue me for payment anyway; washer broke; Raj and Ruth both chipped teeth; I needed a biopsy) have really made finances tough. Sunrise, where Raj resides, also increased costs, although our disability income remains the same.

The Line of Credit against the land is due this spring, when Raj is being terminated from Allstate. Unfortunately, in 2 years none of the investments have recovered, and I can't wait any more; I sold the last of the Estate to pay off the Line, and will need a miracle to pay the taxes and insurance point forward! Medicare doesn't start for Raj until 6/1, so I'm not sure what we'll use for medical (for Raj, nor for the rest of us), since COBRA for all 4 of us will probably be too costly.

Falls

Raj is having a harder time covering up his falls. Without full sensation in his extremities, he doesn't always recognize the extent of his injuries; So I'm glad the staff at Sunrise at least check him out each time he falls, and let me know most of the time. Saturday was the first time he fell twice in one day (that he will admit to!), and Monday he fell again - all involved scrapes and bruises, but he doesn't seem bothered at all by the injuries, and none of the recent falls necessitated a trip to the hospital. Sunday, I brought him home to enjoy the SuperBowl with us, and thankfully, he didn't fall here!

Jerome

Raj lost a friend from Sunrise yesterday, Jerome, and he was with him when he died at Alexian Brothers. Raj is sad, and he will really miss him. It's interesting to observe him amid this loss, because he actually had a relationship with Jerome, and this is not common. Even when "well" in the medical sense of the word, I rarely saw Raj reach out to "be there" for another. It's not that I think he's completely selfish, but that he never had much practice being a friend, pretty clueless in the "giving" part but well-versed in the "taking"; As a spouse, he simply stated what he needed/wanted and if it was within my ability, I provided it. When life would get me down, Raj was more like a coach that would tell me to get back in the game, rather than a comforter or listener. I assume his buddies and coworkers had the same experience. He called it "Rajian Physics" - the way everything worked out in his favor, all the time. Anyway, I'm grateful to Jerome for bringing out a different side of Raj, for giving him the opportunity to BE a friend.

Christmas review +

Looking back over Christmas, I can't believe how relaxing and low-stress things were without having to walk on eggshells and cater to every preference of a demanding Dave. We had Raj home for opening gifts on Christmas Eve, and enjoyed some much-appreciated downtime the rest of the kids' break.

Raj fell into the bathroom door of his suite at Sunrise while walking around eating chocolate in the middle of the night recently, but didn't get checked out since he said he wasn't injured. At least there is less wandering at night, because he's been using his C-PAP machine for his sleep apnea (3 weeks now!), and he's actually well-rested. The down side (more for me than anyone else) is that he's awake during the day, calling with multiple requests. And without a sense of priority, he may or may not tell me about falling or running out of meds, while requesting a particular shirt 10 or 20 times!

In the meantime, there have been 2 offers on Dave's house - $120K, which CitiMortgage countered with $155K and the buyer backed out; then $100K cash, which we can't even present to Citi because they've already set their price. Selling prices continue to fall, and now interest rates have started to go up. I don't know what the bank negotiator is thinking.

That's one way of taking the tree down . . .

Raj said he fell into the Christmas tree in Sunrise's entryway yesterday during a syncopal episode, but only hurt his finger. I didn't ask about the tree.

Raj vs Reality

When you ask Raj how he's doing, he will always say he's fine. When he fell and broke his nose in July 2009, he told the EMTs they didn't need to treat him . . . he simply wanted a white plate to bleed on. Part of it is his mental perception - he doesn't notice anything wrong, so he assumes the status quo - and the the other part is the progression of Mild Cognitive Impairment - diminished ability to feel/recognize pain.

Similarly, when you ask whether he's taking his meds, he will always confirm that he is, since he sees no difference between taking a pill once/month vs once/day; If he remembers EVER taking a dose, he's "compliant" in his estimation; So, when the doctors in his Sleep Consult asked whether Raj was using his C-PAP at night to treat his sleep apnea, he answered in the affirmative. He just chuckled when they downloaded the activity from the card in the machine to reveal using it 4 nights out of the last 180. So now we need to get him using the C-PAP again before they can explore narcolepsy, because poor sleep at night (averages 60 events of losing consciousness per hour) means nodding off during the day.

Contempt?

So I kind of forgot to appear in court for Raj's foreclosure on Dave's house on 12/8, but nobody has hauled either of us off to jail . . . In the meantime, CitiMortgage made us accept the short sale offer, so they'll appraise it again and respond. I stopped by last week, and didn't see either of the ramps, so I guess whatever is left in the house is necessary to clear out.

I'm also waiting to hear back from Rush about a hospital stay for 2 tests needed on Raj. Hope to get this done by year-end, since it should max out our out-of-pocket medical expenses & get covered after that by insurance.

In other news, I'm softening on the idea of a dog for Ruth. Julie gets so much comfort from her pet, and Ruth could probably really benefit from the responsibility and companionship. I just have so many 2-legged creatures to care for, that I cringe at the thought of adding a 4-legged creature onto the pile.